Skip to main content

eSpecially Parents August Edition: Natalie's Story

Natalie with her sister.
The moment Sophia came into my life, I completely changed as a person. Naturally my relationships with family and friends changed too. This is an area in my life that I am still trying to figure out. It can be hard to find your place with friends and and even some family after a life changing experience. They remain the same but I have forever been changed. At times, it can be an isolating experience. People you once felt you could relate to, you no longer do.


Natalie with her parents.










There were people that barely acknowledged or asked about Sophia. Others that offered no support and no compassion for what we were going through. Needless to say, I have limited to no relationship with those people. Then there were people I expected to be more supportive but, for some reason, were not. It can hurt but I try not to take it personally. I have had to let go of some relationships and expectations. I may be partly to blame for some of this. I am horrible at asking for help and support. A lot of people ask me how they can help during stressful times. My response is usually that I don't need any help, even if I do.

Sometimes I have so much going on that I can't even stop to think of what I need. The people that are are the most supportive and helpful generally don't ask, they just do. It's important to recognize the incredible doctors, nurses, therapists, aides and sometimes complete strangers that have touched our hearts because of sweet Sophia. Without Sophia, we probably would not have met them and their support continues to
amaze us each day.

I have gained new and very important friendships with other special-needs mothers like me. This is where I feel most at ease. They understand me on a level that most cannot. I can talk about my feelings and what I am going through on a much deeper level. I hope to develop more relationships like this in the future. I have had so many different reactions from friends and family but most have been very positive and supportive. They have been there for me regardless of the changes in my life.

During Sophia's surgeries and recoveries (our most stressful times) many friends and family send us uplifting and encouraging messages. I really love reading the messages, sometimes it is all I need to stay strong. We normally come home from the hospital to a clean house (thanks mom), flowers, get well cards and several days worth of homemade meals.

With the help of family and friends, I've learned what it takes to get through the hard times - strength, courage and a positive attitude. We are so lucky to have these people in our lives and we appreciate their support beyond words.

If you would like to read more from other parents, read here.

Comments

  1. juliaSeptember 3, 2011 at 2:07 PM

    Beautifully written Nat as always!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJanuary 10, 2012 at 6:47 PM

    You are so right. I wonder sometimes why our support always comes from people we don't expect to be there and usually not from the sources we would imagine. I think it is a way that God keeps us looking to Him. If we got the support we needed from our closest friends and family would we need to depend on Him as much?? So much of the good gifts can only be explained as the work of God. You are a real blessing to so many people. I have never met your family but have followed your story since the birth of sweet Sophie. God bless!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thank you for reading my post. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. If you wish to contact me directly, please let me know and I will email you.

Popular posts from this blog

How I Make Being a Mom and Volunteer Work at this Group Home

  In September, Ben celebrated three years living in a group home in Charlotte, North Carolina, with five other men. Ben lives 20 minutes from our house, and we see him several times a week for doctor's appointments, to drop off supplies, for group home events and sometimes because I just miss him. Ben occassionally sleeps over, and he often spends a weekend day hanging out on his favorite couch, watching videos at our house. This Easterseals PORT Health home is Ben's second placement. The first placement through another agency didn't work out, and he left after six months . We were wary of trying a new place, but it's worked out well. My husband, Ryan, and I have developed a partnership with ESPH. Over time, we've built mutual respect and trust with the residents and staff.  Here's what's worked for us: 1. Get involved with the group home. Ben lives with five other men in a six-bedroom house in Charlotte. On move-in day, Steven, one of the residents, made ...
4 comments
Read more

Gadgets & Gizmos - Part 6: Landeez Chair

We spent last week at the beach near Atlantic Beach in North Carolina. At Fort Macon Park , they have a special chair for people like Ben who may need extra help moving in the sand and water. The chair is made by Landeez . We were amazed by this chair. It did travel over the sand and in small amounts of water with ease. We bought an inexpensive strap to go around Ben's waist so he would not fall out.  I thought that Ben could go farther in the water sitting in the chair, but it does eventually float...away if in too deep of water. Ben got tired of sitting in it and wiggled his way under the strap. For the most part, it is a great invention and it made it easier for us to keep Ben safe on the beach. If he had been interested in a long walk on the beach, this would have worked great for him.
1 comment
Read more

Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities: From Group Home Placement to Discharge

  Last August, we moved Ben into an alternative family living (AFL) placement, about 90 minutes from our home in Charlotte. It was a three-bedroom house and Ben was given the largest bedroom with its own bathroom.  A typical AFL in North Carolina operates like this: a person with disabilities, the client, moves in with another family, couple or an individual. The client lives in the family’s home and the family receives payment in return for housing, feeding and caring for the client.  Ben’s AFL was unusual: A couple with extensive caregiving experience wanted to run a three-bed group home but needed to apply for the license through the state. They were willing to take Ben as the first resident in a house, separate from the one they lived in. The plan, according to the couple, was to get approval for the group home within a couple of months.  We ordered Ben a double bed, headboard, 54-inch television, new sheets, towels and blankets. Friends helped us move him in....
3 comments
Read more