Let's Do Lunch, Please!

I know my worth as a mother is closely tied to making lunch for school for my children. Ben is on a set schedule - Monday and Thursday he buys lunch in the cafeteria, all other days, he packs a lunch. We have a good system - Ben gets some variety, I get a break two days a week, but get my mothering needs met.

My middle son, Logan, started full day school this year. At first he was adamant that he would not buy lunch - the whole process is intimidating and the food is a bit questionable. Since August, I have packed his lunch. And happy to do so.

Two weeks ago, Logan came home and announced that he wanted to buy lunch. It was more fun and gave him more play time (still not sure what he meant by that - but in the mind of a four-year old, it made sense). So for the past two weeks, he's bought his lunch. I bit my tongue trying not to persuade him. In my head, I kept repeating that age old saying about, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

Finally yesterday, as I always do, I casually asked about lunch - well casually for me. Logan said it was fine, but he did not get dessert because he did not like the jello they had. Without getting too excited to hear that all was not well in the lunch-line, I asked if he wanted to bring his lunch tomorrow. Logan responded with, "I was thinking that too, Mom."

Woohoo!!! I cheered quietly inside - He came back! He came back!

I will lay off the cottage cheese for now, that was the last lunch I packed when he deserted me. Now I know why my Mom packed Suzy-Q's, Twinkies and Devil Dogs for my dessert for 13 years - who'd leave that?

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Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities

"Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities" is a series on eSpeciallyBen. As Ben approached 18, it was clear our role changed as parents. We needed to help Ben transition into adulthood. These stories are meant to assist other families who face, or will face, some of the same challenges. Talking About the Future Guest Post - Matt Wilson Legal Guardianship, Medicaid and SSI Researching Group Homes Questions to Ask at a Group Home Visit Referral Packet for Group Homes Getting Assistance from a Care Manager From Group Home Placement to Discharge Reaching for Independence

Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities: From Group Home Placement to Discharge

Last August, we moved Ben into an alternative family living (AFL) placement, about 90 minutes from our home in Charlotte. It was a three-bedroom house and Ben was given the largest bedroom with its own bathroom. A typical AFL in North Carolina operates like this: a person with disabilities, the client, moves in with another family, couple or an individual. The client lives in the family’s home and the family receives payment in return for housing, feeding and caring for the client. Ben’s AFL was unusual: A couple with extensive caregiving experience wanted to run a three-bed group home but needed to apply for the license through the state. They were willing to take Ben as the first resident in a house, separate from the one they lived in. The plan, according to the couple, was to get approval for the group home within a couple of months. We ordered Ben a double bed, headboard, 54-inch television, new sheets, towels and blankets. Friends helped us move him in....

Ben is thriving in his group home in Charlotte. I wrote about what he's been up to in this story in Southpark Magazine: Givers: All together Happy Holidays! Photo Credit Grant Baldwin Photography

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