Skip to main content

Tough Decisions

During camp this summer, an older female counselor made a favorable comment about Ben's genitals to his speech therapist. The speech therapist did not know this women and definitely felt uncomfortable with her making that kind of comment to him.

When I got wind of it, I knew it was a strange and weird comment to make about a child, especially to someone unknown to you. I knew it was unprofessional and that the she would probably lose her job over the stupid comment. So I made the decision to not say anything until camp was over. I weighed the positive and negative impact of this woman losing her job to Ben's experience at camp - less staff available, lower staff moral, etc.

One of my fears for Ben is to have him molested and he not have a way to tell us. I did not think that this woman was abusing Ben, I just think she said something in passing that she may have thought funny to share with someone else. I do think that when working with any children, sexual innuendos, jokes and passing comments need to be left at home.

What would you do? How would you handle this type of situation? Should I have complained right away?

Comments

  1. Oh my goodness! I have no idea. It is inappropriate--absolutely. And it's surprising anyone would say that in this day and age. I would worry, too. This is a hard decision. I don't want to get people in trouble if it is an innocent sort of comment and she just wasn't thinking, but at the same time, she really should NOT have said that and anyone knows not to do that. If it bothered you (and it would bother me) it's probably worth addressing it to someone. Plus, the speech therapist must have been a little bothered by it too to tell you. With several people being bothered, I would err on the side of telling someone. She doesn't need to do that again and upset someone else.

    When to do it--I don't know. I tend to wait a day or two at least before doing anything so that I can calm down and make sure I'm not overreacting out of high emotions. I also typically do a lot of this type of thing in writing first, to avoid saying something wrong in an emotional meeting or forgetting something. I would probably have made my complaint in a letter first (then offered to meet if they want), but buffered the complaint with the statement that I didn't think it rose the level that someone needed to be fired or anything, but that it deserved mentioning because it upset you.

    I don't know. I don't think it would be bad to wait. I think I probably wouldn't let it totally slide though. I'd have to say something eventually... Do you know if the speech therapist said anything to anyone besides you?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thank you for reading my post. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. If you wish to contact me directly, please let me know and I will email you.

Popular posts from this blog

Catching up with Ben

  I wish I had more time to write on eSpeciallyBen . Ben teaches us lessons on a regular basis: Smile often, give hugs, sit down and savor the moment, grab someone's hand to let them know you care and laugh with abandon–even if it annoys your brother. Ben will be 18 this summer. He attends high school in-person and enjoys seeing his classmates and teachers each day. In the photo above, it's 6 a.m. and he's can't wait to get on the bus. As for most people, the pandemic has been tough. Ben's in-person activities, camps and programs were canceled. He's happy to see grandma when we met on a Charlotte greenway or park. Ben seeks out social interactions and being quarantined away from friends and family was even more difficult because he didn't understand why. Ben's teacher sends me photos of him throughout the week. They just finished a rousing game of catch here.  Thank you for following eSpeciallyBen. If you want to see what I'm working on now, find me

A Lesson on Supplemental Security Income

In October, I received a letter from Social Security Administration saying that Ben no longer qualified for SSI AND we owed a very large over payment for two years of SSI that Ben did receive. The letter showed that we owned two of the same car. I knew this was wrong and immediately wrote a letter. I thought it was a computer glitch. Over the past five months, I have met with Social Security, spoke with several people over the phone and wrote countless letters providing documentation to show the cars we actually owned and filed appeals for the decision to revoke Ben's SSI during the two year period they think we owned these two cars. Tomorrow I have another meeting. I am hoping we can get this straightened out. This situation has caused a lot of stress for us and has taken a tremendous amount of our time trying to unravel the problem. I have not written a post in almost a month, partially because my brain power has been consumed with this issue and the bathroom saga (qualifies

Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities: Talking About the Future

Ben in the middle with Dad (left), Carla Payne with Aging Care Matters and Mom This is the first of several posts about parenting an adult child with a disability. Ben will be 19 this summer; I am learning along the way. As always, I hope to pass on resources and wisdom. Discuss the future.  If your adult child is able to participate in planning for their future, ask them how they envision it. Let them draw a picture. Ask them to tell you a story. Maybe they can sign a few words that mean a lot to them. Find a way to get them involved. How do they see themselves living? By themselves, in a group home, with another family or with a sibling? Where do they want to live? In another city, in an apartment, in a house? How far away do they want to live from family? What level of independence can they handle? Do they want someone to check in on them? Do they want to find a job? Do they need a job coach or supportive employment? Who will help them with their finances? Is there someone they tru