We had a great Thanksgiving. I ran an 8k in the morning, came back and we all jumped in the car to watch the last hour of the parade. We came home and ate pizza (really) and everyone except for Ben and me took long naps. Ben watched a movie, and I read a book. At 6pm, we went to our neighbors to pickup Thanksgiving leftovers, and then watched Miracle on 34th Street as a family. On the scale of holidays, this would have been close to a ten. But as they say, this too shall pass.
By Friday night, something had taken over Ben. He started with his high pitched yelling, which we had not heard in a very long time. When the yelling starts, it is non-stop, loud and pierces the inner depths of your being. In addition, Ben was climbing, grabbing, kicking and out-of-control. His appetite was unending, eating ridiculous amounts of food and drinks.
The items “Benzilla” left in his wake: a broken toilet tank cover, Balmex on the dresser and rug, near crash with my Christmas dishes and an almost burnt hand on the stove.
My psyche is wounded right now. My shoulders are tense, I feel psychotic, guilty and very tired.
I feel psychotic because the yelling/screaming goes through my bones and my brain feels like it has turned to mush.
I feel guilty because we ended up locking him down in his chair for the rest of the weekend. I am yelling a lot at the other kids and my husband because I cannot take the strain anymore.
I feel tired because Ben does not sleep a lot when he gets in this mood. I have been up for several nights.
I was not going to write about this especially when I just checked my email and had all these wonderful comments about Ben standing and taking steps. Right now, I feel like that was a different world, another time and place. Alas, it was only 3 days ago.
I decided to write about this because life is not rosy all the time. It has its ups and downs, moments to celebrate, moments to learn from and some, well, some are meant to be forgotten. But the bad moments do not negate the good ones.
After writing this, I know I can get through this difficult time and be better prepared for the next time. Ben will eventually calm down to his usual self. I will remember that he is a kid just trying to do the best that he can, and that he is not trying to be Benzilla, just a boy with energy, a body he is unsure of and a curiosity about his surroundings and his capabilities.
Above photo taken from: http://download.lavadomefive.com/members/BigClawz/GodzillaPictures-98artz.jpg
I, as every parent, have experienced the feelings that you have just described. I am always amazed that the saying "unconditional love" really only pertains to the love you have for your kids. You can be so angry one minute and then not the next...I know that I wouldn't deal with this behavior from anyone, but my kids...that's why God made them so darn cute!ReplyDelete
I'm not a parent (dogs and cat , yes - children, no). You and Ryan are such amazing parents - I'm always so touched by the loving honest approach you have to communicating on the challenges of the day! Hope you've had some calmer days since this post - hugs! Darryl and BrianReplyDelete
Thank you for these comments, kind words and support. Ben has calmed down a bit and I think school provides more structure for him. I do thing his new found physical abilities are going to keep us on our toes!ReplyDelete
Thank you for being so honest here. It's a little over a week later now and I hope life has settled down quite a bit.ReplyDelete