Bad Habit or Good Routine?

How do you tell the difference between a bad habit and a good routine?

For the past several months, at about 8pm, Ben crawls up on the couch with my husband or me, cuddles and falls asleep within the hour. It started out with a lot of oohs and ahhs from us - snuggling with Ben is very sweet. If we move him too early, he gets out of his room and crawls right back with us as if nothing happened.

I do wonder if we are doing the right thing by allowing this behavior. Questions enter my mind - Do I want this same behavior six months from now? Not sure. Would I allow my typical sons to do this? Definitely not.

But then I also think about how life has changed in the past year with respect to Ben's sleep schedule. He is not getting up many times a night due to nasal congestion. He is going to sleep at a reasonable hour and sleeping until morning.

Ben's snuggling could be meeting a need - spending time with us without his brothers. Ben is in school or camp all day, then typically has therapy or a home staff person working with him in the evenings. This is quiet one-on-one time with us. This is his way of communicating this need for special time with us.

For right now, we're sticking with it. Need to re-evaluate again and talk with his behavior therapist. It feels right and going with my instincts has become a good habit for me.

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Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities

"Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities" is a series on eSpeciallyBen. As Ben approached 18, it was clear our role changed as parents. We needed to help Ben transition into adulthood. These stories are meant to assist other families who face, or will face, some of the same challenges. Talking About the Future Guest Post - Matt Wilson Legal Guardianship, Medicaid and SSI Researching Group Homes Questions to Ask at a Group Home Visit Referral Packet for Group Homes Getting Assistance from a Care Manager From Group Home Placement to Discharge Reaching for Independence

Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities: From Group Home Placement to Discharge

Last August, we moved Ben into an alternative family living (AFL) placement, about 90 minutes from our home in Charlotte. It was a three-bedroom house and Ben was given the largest bedroom with its own bathroom. A typical AFL in North Carolina operates like this: a person with disabilities, the client, moves in with another family, couple or an individual. The client lives in the family’s home and the family receives payment in return for housing, feeding and caring for the client. Ben’s AFL was unusual: A couple with extensive caregiving experience wanted to run a three-bed group home but needed to apply for the license through the state. They were willing to take Ben as the first resident in a house, separate from the one they lived in. The plan, according to the couple, was to get approval for the group home within a couple of months. We ordered Ben a double bed, headboard, 54-inch television, new sheets, towels and blankets. Friends helped us move him in....

Ben is thriving in his group home in Charlotte. I wrote about what he's been up to in this story in Southpark Magazine: Givers: All together Happy Holidays! Photo Credit Grant Baldwin Photography

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