eSpecially Ben

  In September, Ben celebrated three years living in a group home in Charlotte, North Carolina, with five other men. Ben lives 20 minutes from our house, and we see him several times a week for doctor's appointments, to drop off supplies, for group home events and sometimes because I just miss him. Ben occassionally sleeps over, and he often spends a weekend day hanging out on his favorite couch, watching videos at our house. This Easterseals PORT Health home is Ben's second placement. The first placement through another agency didn't work out, and he left after six months . We were wary of trying a new place, but it's worked out well. My husband, Ryan, and I have developed a partnership with ESPH. Over time, we've built mutual respect and trust with the residents and staff.  Here's what's worked for us: 1. Get involved with the group home. Ben lives with five other men in a six-bedroom house in Charlotte. On move-in day, Steven, one of the residents, made ...

  Dear Senator, Our 22-year-old son Bennett McCall was born with a rare genetic disorder. He’s nonverbal and uses a wheelchair to get around. He also loves to swim (he can walk in the water), roll along greenways and meet up with friends. He started early intervention at 6 months old and continued through the public school system until he was 19 years old. Ben is a product of the special education program. I am deeply concerned about the Administration’s decision to fire nearly all staff in the Office of Special Education Programs (OSEP) at the US Department of Education. For 50 years, the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) has had strong bipartisan support, and we are counting on Congress to ensure these firings are reversed. If not, this will have a devastating impact on babies, toddlers and all children with disabilities. The staff in OSEP are the people who ensure states follow IDEA, the law that guarantees children with disabilities the right to a fr...

  Ben is thriving in his group home in Charlotte. I wrote about what he's been up to in this story in Southpark Magazine:  Givers: All together Happy Holidays! Photo Credit Grant Baldwin Photography "Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities" is a series on eSpeciallyBen. As Ben approached 18, it was clear our role changed as parents. We needed to help Ben transition into adulthood. These stories are meant to assist other families who face, or will face, some of the same challenges. Talking About the Future Guest Post - Matt Wilson Legal Guardianship, Medicaid and SSI Researching Group Homes Questions to Ask at a Group Home Visit Referral Packet for Group Homes Getting Assistance from a Care Manager From Group Home Placement to Discharge Reaching for Independence How I Make Being a Mom and Volunteer Work at this Group Home

On Saturday, Kidz That Care , a nonprofit organization in Charlotte, visited Ben's Easterseals UCP group home to "Pack the Pantry" with groceries and beautify the front porch with flowers. Ben joined the group outside and watched them plant poinsettias, sweep leaves and wipe down tables.  I wasn't sure how engaged Ben was in the activity but when I tried to take him for a walk, he made it clear he wanted to stay and observe. He hugged the one adult with the group (not the photo above).  When the group was leaving, Kidz That Care asked to take a photo with Ben. I noticed how Liam, one of the teen volunteers, kneeled next to Ben rather than stand behind him. Usually people not comfortable around Ben are hesitant to get close. I was impressed with Liam's willingness to bend down and be at his level. Then Ben leaned in for a hug and held on to Liam for several minutes. Ben's hands were tight around Liam's neck and he kept his head on Liam's shoulder. It w...

  On September 27 of this year, we introduced Ben to our new puppy, Bailey. The pup was just two months old and on her second day with us. I wanted Bailey to know Ben from the start – get used to Ben's wheelchair, loud vocalizations and rough touch.  We started out slow, with just a few minutes of interaction and then a break. We encouraged Ben to use an open hand to pet Bailey. We were careful not to let Ben grab her too tight. We did this as often as we could, each time giving the two a break and then bringing them together again. The process has worked: The two are friends. Now Ben reaches out to Bailey to let her lick his hand. I've seen him be gentle with Bailey without prompting from us, letting her lick his fingers. Ben has grabbed her fur and legs a few times, and Bailey has let out a yelp to let him know this is not acceptable behavior.  We've learned some lessons along the way: Ryan was getting choked by Ben on this ride to the greenway. Ben wanted to reach Bail...

  UPDATE: About two months after writing this post, we visited a genetic center in South Carolina and received a true diagnosis for Ben. He has a rare genetic disorder called POLR2A.  Ben also has the MECP2 anomaly, connected to Rett Syndrome, but when I was tested, I tested positive as well as one of Ben's brothers. It was determined that this genetic change was not the root cause of Ben's disability. - - -  In 2012, after conducting a blood test on Ben, GeneDx reported that he tested positive for a mutation on the MECP2 gene on the X chromosome. The summary also said the information was inconclusive for  Rett Syndrome . I didn't have the mental capacity to find out what all of it meant. I realize now, that even if I had, I wouldn't have found much of anything about Rett Syndrome in males. The research didn't exist yet. It has since blown up. About a year ago, I researched Rett Syndrome in males and reached out to a few doctors conducting successful clinical studi...

  My winter story in Upstate Lake Living Magazine features four towns in Western North Carolina with ski and winter activities. Although Ben is not one for cold-weather sports, I did find it interesting that Beech Mountain Resort offers Adaptive Ski Week in January. Read the story below. 

  WSOC-TV's reporter Elsa Gillis contacted me this summer about featuring the activities we've been planning at Ben's Easterseals UCP group home in Charlotte in the new series Carolina Strong. She'd heard about the events from a local public relations professional who follows me on Facebook.  Here's the clip:  Carolina Strong: Local mother spreads joy at home for people with disabilities The feature on WSOC has brought much-needed attention to group home living: A local school is providing a front porch makeover in the coming months. A grant is supplying the materials for our activities and other neighbors and friends have reached out about volunteering at events.  Photo: WSOC-TV visited Ben's Easterseals group home on Oct. 10, 2023.

  An art project we did at Ben's group home this summer. Ben moved into an Easterseals group home on September 12, 2022. Today, we celebrate one year with him not just living there, but thriving. Ben's formed friendships with his housemates and the staff who work there.  The move to this Easterseals group home was his second time moving out of our house. In 2021, Ben moved to Greensboro, 90 minutes from our home in Charlotte, North Carolina. He'd been living in an AFL - alternative family living - situation through a different agency. It didn't work out. For more details, read  here . The day program has a living room for activities and relaxing. Ben moved home for six months while we searched for another living situation for him. During this time, we found an incredible day program. I happened to see a post on Facebook with photos of happy individuals involved in all sorts of community activities. I connected with the staff, and Ben started in June 2022.  Swimming a...

  Walking in the neighborhood When it comes to locating resources for Ben, it's taken patience, time and energy. I've had the support of my husband, Ryan, and family to do the administrative work it takes to find resources for a person with disabilities. I'm fortunate to be able to have the time to hunt down resources for Ben – and I also enjoy it. I talk with families often, and I've seen a pattern in the ones who have a difficult time gathering information and resources. They come to me frustrated, disenchanted and sometimes with the wrong information.  Here are my suggestions for finding resources and using them to best serve your child: 1. Ask the right people for assistance.  Lately, I've been talking with parents who can't find information about certain topics. When they tell me who they've asked, it's the incorrect person. The parents are frustrated because they thought the person should know the answer.  If you ask a doctor about community servic...

  Carolina Beach, NC This story I wrote for Cardinal & Pine, a news outlet in North Carolina, gives us a starting point for Ben's Beach Bucket List: 6 Must-Visit North Carolina Beaches That Are Wheelchair-Accessible

Coastal communities are helping people with disabilities navigate a beach vacation through ramped and paved walkways, accessible hotels and mobility mats. And beach wheelchairs make it possible for wheelchair users to enjoy the sand and ocean. Carolina Beach, North Carolina Ben was just weeks old when he first experienced the beach. When he was old enough, he spent time in the ocean and sand. He fell in love with the sounds, the excitement of each wave hitting his body and the grit of sand in his mouth.  For the past few years, Ryan and I have been taking Ben on his own vacation, a Beach Birthday. The getaway is all about Ben – what he wants to do, eat and see. Our other sons don't come along on purpose because we want to focus our energy on Ben. (As we get older, we may need the other boys for their strength.) The first time we planned a Beach Birthday, I scheduled two nights in Beaufort, South Carolina at a Hilton Garden Inn. The hotel was great – walkable to local eateries with ...

Ben pet several dogs on this Charlotte greenway. It really made him happy. Ben and Grandma on the Charlotte greenway. 2023 is North Carolina's Year of the Trail. I cover several accessible trails in this story in Carolina Country magazine:  A Path for Everyone

  My first personal essay was published in Our State this month. I talk about Ben's adventurous spirit in  Unlimited Possibilities .

  Ben met Doodle today. One of the staff at his day program brought him in. Ben loves dogs and these photos made my day. 

Marjorie and her grandson, Graham Guest post by Marjorie Frick My name is Gee or Grammy depending on which grandchild you ask. I have been blessed to raise two daughters and have five grandchildren, four boys and a girl, all under the age of six. Our oldest grandchild, Graham, was born with a rare genetic disorder called Cri du Chat or 5p- . It is a deletion on the p arm of the fifth chromosome.  During the first few months of Graham’s life, we began to pick up on small clues that there might be something amiss. My daughter fought to be referred to specialists and to get some therapies started.  Graham was missing some milestones. Two of the biggest issues were feeding difficulties and sleep.  After receiving genetic counseling, we finally got a diagnosis at about seven months old. This was one of the worst days of my life.  It helped me see that one of my most important roles in being a grandparent to Graham was to be a parent to my daughte...