Skip to main content

Benefit of the Doubt

For the past three years, Ben has been on the bus with the same brother and sister. Since they get on before Ben and after he gets off, I see them twice a day and have become friendly with them. About two years ago, we had them over for a playdate. Their Dad came too. Ryan and I learned about their tough circumstances. In the short time we spent with this family, it became obvious that the Dad worked hard to make their situation work.

Although I tried many times to get the kids together again, it never worked out.

Over a year later, on Halloween, the Dad stopped by our house.

To ask for a relatively small amount of money.

I gave it to him and asked that instead of repaying us, he bring the kids over for a playdate. He agreed and they came the next week.

Then six months later, the Dad stopped by to borrow a tool for a job. We gave it to him.

Today he came by and left us a note explaining that he was going out of town. I guess he was letting us know he still had the tool and would return it when he came back.

It is not in my nature to trust in a situation like this when things do not add up. For some reason, my heart is taking the lead, rather than my unforgiving and judgemental brain.

And the Dad obviously feels a connection to us since he comes back again and again, if not always for friendship, but for a little helping hand when times are tough.

I think of all the people we have in our lives to support us if things got tough. If we had to ask a stranger for help, it would mean that all our resources were exhausted and we had no one to count on. That would be a scary place to be if I had others depending on me.

Please say a prayer for this family.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How I Make Being a Mom and Volunteer Work at this Group Home

  In September, Ben celebrated three years living in a group home in Charlotte, North Carolina, with five other men. Ben lives 20 minutes from our house, and we see him several times a week for doctor's appointments, to drop off supplies, for group home events and sometimes because I just miss him. Ben occassionally sleeps over, and he often spends a weekend day hanging out on his favorite couch, watching videos at our house. This Easterseals PORT Health home is Ben's second placement. The first placement through another agency didn't work out, and he left after six months . We were wary of trying a new place, but it's worked out well. My husband, Ryan, and I have developed a partnership with ESPH. Over time, we've built mutual respect and trust with the residents and staff.  Here's what's worked for us: 1. Get involved with the group home. Ben lives with five other men in a six-bedroom house in Charlotte. On move-in day, Steven, one of the residents, made ...

Gadgets & Gizmos - Part 6: Landeez Chair

We spent last week at the beach near Atlantic Beach in North Carolina. At Fort Macon Park , they have a special chair for people like Ben who may need extra help moving in the sand and water. The chair is made by Landeez . We were amazed by this chair. It did travel over the sand and in small amounts of water with ease. We bought an inexpensive strap to go around Ben's waist so he would not fall out.  I thought that Ben could go farther in the water sitting in the chair, but it does eventually float...away if in too deep of water. Ben got tired of sitting in it and wiggled his way under the strap. For the most part, it is a great invention and it made it easier for us to keep Ben safe on the beach. If he had been interested in a long walk on the beach, this would have worked great for him.

Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities: From Group Home Placement to Discharge

  Last August, we moved Ben into an alternative family living (AFL) placement, about 90 minutes from our home in Charlotte. It was a three-bedroom house and Ben was given the largest bedroom with its own bathroom.  A typical AFL in North Carolina operates like this: a person with disabilities, the client, moves in with another family, couple or an individual. The client lives in the family’s home and the family receives payment in return for housing, feeding and caring for the client.  Ben’s AFL was unusual: A couple with extensive caregiving experience wanted to run a three-bed group home but needed to apply for the license through the state. They were willing to take Ben as the first resident in a house, separate from the one they lived in. The plan, according to the couple, was to get approval for the group home within a couple of months.  We ordered Ben a double bed, headboard, 54-inch television, new sheets, towels and blankets. Friends helped us move him in....